


I'll Give It My All

by ded_i_am_just_ded



Series: dedCat angst-off [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: ANOTHER Major Character Death, Angst, Cant believe i forgot the angst tag, Sorry still not sorry, Whatever be sad with us, Wrote for writing sprint hope it makes sense, dedCat angst-off #2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 12:13:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11184888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ded_i_am_just_ded/pseuds/ded_i_am_just_ded
Summary: Yakov took it better than I thought he would.  Ever the pillar of strength for our rag-tag family, he put his arm around Lilia and held her while she went white and shook into his shoulder.





	I'll Give It My All

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CatAvalon (CazinaIna)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CazinaIna/gifts).



> [CatAvalon](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CazinaIna/pseuds/CatAvalon) and I have got an angst-off going down! Go check out her work too!

Yakov took it better than I thought he would. Ever the pillar of strength for our rag-tag family, he put his arm around Lilia and held her while she went white and shook into his shoulder. I just sat with my hands in my lap, empty. I’d known it was coming, this wasn’t really a surprise. The first surgery had been a success, but cancer is a nasty fucking thing. It roared back into our lives again, the lion among the weak.

I had to drop from the circuit, one month from Worlds. What a fucking waste. I turned my eye to helping _Dedushka_ at his house in Moscow. Being there made everything easier, I didn’t have to see the sadness in anyone because no one knew, except Beka, and Beka had always been my best friend.

I sold and gave away everything I could, set a lot of it aside, mailed a bunch of my dance and skate equipment back to Lilia and Yakov. Mila opened one of my packages on accident and found out what was going on. That had been the worst phone call of my life. How do you tell the woman who is practically your sister you’re not going to be there for the next Nationals? You avoid it until she drags it out of you, that’s how. And then she punched me when I came back for Georgi’s birthday.

The drugs got stronger, the office visits more frequent, my world more silent. Music and dance, the last life in my blood, kept me going for another year. Made me strong enough to make one more trip, the first weeks of December, a year and a half after diagnosis, to say goodbye to the farthest reaches of my family.

Hasetsu was cold in winter. They were as blindingly beautiful together, as they had always been. I could watch, I could touch, but I just couldn’t tell them. But...Yuuri was Yuuri. He was smarter than he looked and asked on his own, and I couldn’t lie, so I told him, watching the sunrise. I told him softly and fought the tears I was growing so tired of shedding. They were going to try one more surgery, but chances were slim to none. I’d lose my voice either way and the doc didn’t know if I’d even recover enough to ever speak again. I begged him not to tell Viktor.

He didn’t need that kind of birthday present.

I visited a club with them, sat at the bar for a while and watched them. Drank way too much and was jealous and angry at them. They were so fucking perfect. They were mine. And I had to let them go. I left the club, took a cab, packed my bags. I never spoke with them again.

I was never good with goodbyes, anyway.

It snowed, and then I was in the hospital and my world became what I could see through my window. I transferred home, and, God love him, Beka came with me. It was the worst flight I’d ever taken, but I was _home_. _Dedushka_ met us at the gate, and we went straight to the hospital.

I hate my weakness. I hate lying in this hospital bed, waiting to die. I hate that in a few moments, or hours, I don’t know, they’re going to come in, pump drugs into me to put me under, and I don’t know what will happen after that. _Dedushka_ is sleeping in the corner. Beside me, Beka watches with his dark eyes, for once unreadable, even to me. The beeping of the machines have already driven me half mad.

Shaking fingers press the last envelope closed, and I tuck them all into a larger envelope. _Just in case_ , I said, _I need to write it all out, just in case_. I breathe deep, and the machine’s beep shifts with it. _Dedushka_ shifts as well, but doesn’t wake. The lawyers already know my wishes, everything is neatly divided on papers, goodbyes said and regrets left pushed under the rug.

 _Dedushka_ almost seems to fight off hysterics when the doc comes in, Beka holds my hand with one of his and brushes my forehead with his other. I will give it my all, but I’m not as strong as I once was. So tired of fighting. The doc says it’s time, and adds a syringe to my IV. I smile at my make-shift family one more time, before the meds drag me down.

I take the warmth of Beka’s hand with me.


End file.
